therapy

Sometimes, I only feel real when talking with people, being with people. Thus, it's agonizing, because I'm not a good people person. I want to get to know some people, but I lack the courage to do so.

I think I'm letting too much of my self worth hanging on whether or not I get into USC. I feel useless. I feel like if I don't get in, I'll fall into that detestable cycle of apathy, never to get up. I'm afraid that I'll feel nothing, I'll never be anything.

This has to change. I have to adopt a can-do attitude. I have to adopt a passion for life, a passion for living. But how can I, when around me I see misery, the misery of my father and the worries of my mother?

I just want to experience joy, pure joy, untouched by any of the conditions of this world. I wish there could be a moment where I could just sit and be happy.

Do the work, Grace. It's worth it. If not to experience and learn more about the world, but as a first step toward change.

Sleep is not worth it. Sleep is oblivion. Be panicked, be desperate, and in that desperation, do.
Please live desperately, competitively, happily. Act.